Whether it’s in the world of intimate relationships or business – heck, any relationship in your life – the word NEEDY can get a bad rap. But needy isn’t a bad word.
Research shows that women in particular tend to shy away from conversations around asking for what they want or need because they don’t want to be perceived as needy.
In intimate relationships this means women often freak out that they will be “too much” for a man. But the truth is, this isn’t isolated to our relationships with men; it bleeds into our day-to-day too. In business women tend to accept a first salary offer while men tend to negotiate… 57% of the time! That means half of us aren’t willing to sound needy by asking for more. This Harvard Business Review piece suggests that women get exactly what they settle for.
Hint: we even do this with other women, not just the males in our lives!
I invite you to scan your life for places you may shy away from asking for what you want or need:
• Do you tend to sign up for things knowing you don’t have enough time or interest, but want to look good or be perceived as involved?
• Have you avoided asking for a raise that you deserve?
• Maybe you’ve avoided a conversation with a friend who is habitually late and doesn’t seem to respect your time?
• Do you grin and bear it with the lion’s share of the housework because you don’t want to rock the boat?
There are many ways we avoid putting ourselves first or asking for what we need.
When you first learn Healthy Selfishness you learn the importance of considering your wants/needs FIRST, then others. “My needs FIRST?!”, you might ask. Yep! I’m giving you permission to consider You before everyone else.
You can breathe easy – this invitation does not mean that you exclude the needs of those in your life, or even that you do things without regard to appropriate time and place.
Here’s the real deal: Under-expressing your needs leaves you feeling taken advantage of, unappreciated and burnt out. Over-expressing your needs leads to distancing people with your entitlement energy. Both ends are unhealthy and don’t foster closeness or intimacy with your peeps. The healthy middle of needy, is expressing your wants and needs and considering what others want. You can express them assertively, in a win-win way.
The ironic truth is that sharing your wants and needs in a healthy way creates intimacy and connection with people in your life. It’s incredibly powerful.
My second invitation for you: make friends with the word needy! Of course you have needs, we all do, and it’s healthy and normal. Here’s a way you can put into practice asking for what you need in a healthy way!
I LOVE hearing from you! Leave me a comment below as to how you practice getting your needs met, and what it’s done for your health, happiness, and well-being…